Have you been unhappy in your marriage for many years? Have you been thinking about getting a divorce over the last 2 or 3 years? Is your marriage still intact purely because of guilt over splitting up the family? If so, you’ve most likely finally decided to get a divorce. This will be difficult discussion to have with your husband. Here is how to tell him about your decision.
Consider the reasons for wanting a divorce
In confrontations and arguments, many couples normally threaten divorce. If you really want a permanent change, divorce is a decision which needs to be taken seriously. Therefore, find out some core reasons why you want it. Out of the reasons which you think up, the main should strictly be to end the marriage.
Do not blindside him
Whenever there’s a problem with the marriage, in most cases, each partner is aware that there’s an issue. As such, if you want a divorce, begin by suggesting therapy or counseling. After that, you can broach a conversation about divorce. Don’t surprise him with this news. Instead use the strategies above to let him know about it gradually. This ensures that the transition process is easier.
Be direct, calm and kind about delivering the news
As you tell your husband that you want a divorce, make sure that you use a gentle tone. Make sure that you’re compassionate about it. Ensure that you are respectful about factors such as child custody and asset division.
Use neutral language and “I” statements
Do not approach the conversation assuming that you know what he’s feeling about the marriage. Instead, simply inform him on how you are feeling personally. This can be done by using “I” statements. Also, don’t place blame on him for the state of your marriage. This saves him from experiencing shame about it.
Be prepared in case he gives an angry response
In most cases, even if your husband is aware that there are challenges in the marriage, he will still be upset when you request a divorce. Therefore, it is important to be ready for an angry response. When this happens, don’t retaliate. Moreover, do not try to justify your decision to request a divorce.
Instead, use an “I” statement and express that you are sorry but can’t see any other way out of the situation. Express that you no longer have the feelings that are required for a marriage to work. Add that the distance between you and your husband is too wide for you to overcome. This shows him that your decision was made using clear thought and is not coming from a place of negative emotion.
Be ready that a trial separation is possible
Your husband can make an effort to negotiate the terms of this divorce. He may ask that you arrange a trial separation. This is where you and him are separated but still legally married. He could also ask that you both go for counseling again. If you are serious about divorce, make sure that you stick by your decision. Don’t compromise.
Don’t dive into the details of the divorce
Seeing as the initial talk with him about the divorce is highly likely to be quite charged with emotion, don’t begin explaining the specifics of your divorce. Simply indicate that you hope to achieve a civil and fair separation. Also, indicate that you’re willing to work with an attorney to make sure that the right arrangement is arrived at.